I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
