literally had 100 drinks last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
