Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
