I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
