Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
