The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
