So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
