I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
