I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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