you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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