Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
