I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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