My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
