I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
