he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
