i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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