I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
