I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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