He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
