I think I died a long time ago.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
