in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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