how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just high enough for therapy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
