The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
