Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
