Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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