For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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