I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
