I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
