We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
