you win again, gameday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
