Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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