chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
