Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
