New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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