Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
