I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
