Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it was like eating out sand paper
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
