He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
