I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
