I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
