pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
