I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
