Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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