last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
