Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
