come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hippo gnu deer
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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