Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Mom said you looked used
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
