I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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