I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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