just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
