I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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