Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
