You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
