I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
