You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
