i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When are your genitals available?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
