bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
