i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
