Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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