Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
